California for Stefani

I have always wondered how you can prove if prayer works or not?  How do you go back in time and go to that point where you prayed a certain thing and choose to not pray to see if prayer worked or not?

I believe in prayer!  Can I prove that it works?  I guess not really.   I think prayer is part of my belief system as a Christian.   Being a Christian means I have to have faith.  I have to have faith that prayer does work.  I have to have faith that the God I believe in actually exists.  I have to have faith that he sent his Son (Jesus) to die for us and save us from our sins.  I have to have faith that there is a heaven and hell.  Could I be wrong?  I doubt it, but I guess me and the many millions of other Christians could be wrong too. 

Prayer to me is really just chatting with God.  I am not one of those type of people that use lots of flowery words to pray to him with.  I don’t see the point in that.  We were created to cohabitate in the Garden of Eden with God… why would he have wanted to create us so we can talk to him with all sorts of crazy words.  Why not just normally like with anyone else.   I talk to God like he is my best friend (which he is).  I ask him for protection, for guidance, for peace and just regular chats.

Do I understand why sometimes a prayer isn’t listened to?  Not a clue… I assume God is listening, but circumstance are such that it can’t be dealt with.   I don’t have those kind of answers and I won’t even try figure it out.  I guess that is where faith comes in and we just have to have faith that things will work out.  I think people forget that we live in a sinful world and in this world, life sucks at times.  We can’t stop things from happening and so we just need to pray that we will get through it.  He can comfort us in situations and help us through it.

I choose to believe that prayer works.  I have seen it work (can’t prove it though).   I will still pray for people, for myself and for situations to heal themselves.  It doesn’t hurt people around me to pray, so why stop.  If it gives me some peace, then I will keep doing it.  I need as much as I can to make it through this life.  If prayer is one way to do that, I will keep praying. 

I do think people can go overboard on prayer though and make a big deal about it.  I don’t think it should be flashy and loud and obnoxious.  Prayer is between a person and God.  It is a conversation between friends, it is a cry for help, it is many, many things.  It shouldn’t always look the same.  I get annoyed when you go to church and the leader will come up and pray that God will be in “our presence” for church.  Good grief… isn’t he around us all the time?  I would think that as a Christian, we would have God with us at all times and we don’t need to make a big deal about asking him into the church… granted… considering some of the churches, maybe that is the only way God will come in HA HA HA… just kidding.  Sorry… went into my issues with church again… LOL

This won’t be a long post… just wanted to say that I believe in prayer.  It is part of my faith that it works.   It is the choice I make as a Christian to believe in it.  It is all about choices to me.  

I believe that there are parts of our lives that are the piece of the puzzle that have the red dot on it. Do you know what pieces I am talking about? Ever done a 3D puzzle and seen those pieces that have red dots on them? Do you know what you are supposed to do with them? Throw them away… they have nothing to do with the puzzle… they mean nothing to the big picture. That is what I think our Mexico fiasco was about

Well… here goes the post… I have been working on it for awhile in my head. Some of you know about our Mexico adventure, but for those of you who don’t… here is the long winded story.

It was November of 2009, I was browsing the internet (Craigslist) for caretaking jobs. We were currently the caretakers for the complex we lived in and were considering branching out and doing it elsewhere in the Fraser Valley. I stumbled across one that was in Mexico… I clicked on it… sent it to Doug… read it over and over again. It seemed legit and it was a guy who lived in Vancouver who had a small resort in Mexico that needed a caretaker. Doug and I chatted about it and figured why not… can’t hurt to inquire. So Doug sent an email and told him a bit about us and then we left it in the hands of the World Wide Web LOL. A few days later we got a reply… they liked our resume and would like to meet us. So off we went to the Endowment lands of UBC to have in interview about a job in Mexico. We were overwhelmed right away… his place was HUGE and you could tell money was no object.

We had a good interview with him and even met some of his kids. We were there for about an hour and then off we went. It sounded like a good job, but we definitely had questions. No sense asking more questions though if we don’t get short listed, so we just wrote our questions down on a paper and left it at that. About a week later, we got a call and him and his partner wanted to meet us again. They really liked us and he wanted us to meet the other person who owned the piece of property. So off we went again and this time armed with questions. We had an amount in our heads that we wanted to make, but we didn’t tell him that.

We met the two owners and they answered our questions the way we were hoping and the amount they were wanting to pay was exactly what we wanted to make. We were there for at least an hour and at the end of it, we were told we had the job if we wanted it. They wanted us to fly down and check out the place first, but they also said that we would love it, so no worries. We agreed that we would go down and visit while they were down there for Christmas Holidays. We left and immediately phoned my parents and told them we got the job. We were excited but suddenly very scared… how was this going to work? We went home, and started to plan…

We emailed with the owners a bit and eventually they booked us flights to Cabos for a 3 night weekend. We would check out the place and then go home and pack and then in the middle of January, we would plan to move permanently to Todos Santos, Mexico. Everything fell into place so nicely… we knew it was God. We felt at peace about it and even though we were scared about starting something so new, we were also excited. We bought about 15 Rubbermaid containers and started to pack the things we were going to put in storage. We organized the things we wanted to bring along already and the things we would bring along in January. We gave our notice for our home and our jobs. Everything was going well considering we were planning to move to another country with very little stuff.

Our flight left December 18th, 2009… we had 2 check-in luggage (49lbs each) and 2 carry-on’s for our first round of stuff to bring down. We had confirmed with the owners that we could store the things there until January when we came with the rest of our stuff. We had found out a few days before that the current caretaker was going to meet us at Hotel California and then we would follow him to the Hacienda. We were a little apprehensive about this, but figured lets go for it LOL. Our flight went OK, and we got into San Jose Del Cabo in the afternoon. We got going a little late, so our meet up time at Hotel California was a little later than expected, but we found him… drunk… eek…

We sat at Hotel California and had dinner and chatted with the caretaker. He had just been told that week that he was being replaced and when I asked him where he was going after this, he said he didn’t know because he was a drifter and had no place to go. Hmmm… this was going to be interesting. We followed him to the Hacienda and met Mike (one of the owners) who had been waiting for us to be there for dinner (would have been nice if we had known that). We chatted and we were shown to our rooms. It was all starting to sink in that this would be our new home in less than a month. It was scary but we wanted to try something new and see if we could do it.

The next day was spent chatting with the owners about the job and some of the things we would do. The other owner showed up with his family and that is when we started to notice how much the kids liked the current caretaker. This was going to be interesting… that night we heard the owner and the caretaker laughing until all hours of the night and that is when we started to wonder what was going on… little did we know it would turn out the way it did. So now we are on our second full day there and we had a few more questions now that we had seen the place and seen where we were going to live. When we sat down with the two owners to ask them the questions, they proceeded to tell us that they had changed their minds and were going to stick with the current caretaker. They tried to tell us that they hadn’t told us we had the job, but we proceeded to tell them that I had proof saying otherwise. I think the current taker (who was always drunk) convinced them that he would change his ways if they kept him on. We were told we could spend the night (our flight left the next day), but we packed up all our stuff in less than 20 minutes, made a reservation at a hotel in Cabos and LEFT. We were in tears… never in our minds did we think this would happen. We did our research on the property and on the owners. Everything was on the up and up, and I think up until that evening, I think we had the jobs, but the current caretaker was a friend of theirs and I think he made it hard on them to fire him… so I guess it was just easier to send us home and be out that $2000 in the flights for us.

We couldn’t believe it… we had to go back home with all the stuff we had brought, and tell everyone what happened. We were devastated. Our flight home was horrible, but thankfully we got first class so that helped us drown our sorrows. We got home on December 21, 2009 and have a very very rough Christmas. We got our jobs and our place back, but we were very very down.

I believe that God wanted us in Mexico and because they choose to change their minds, God had to adjust his plans LOL. I don’t believe God would string us along like that… not a chance. I believe that people have choices and when things like that happen, life has to be adjusted. God can help us manage through it, but he sure isn’t going to tell you to do one thing and then say HA HA HA, just kidding.

We still think about it a lot and it still hurts. Our life is good though and so we are grateful for that. We landed up moving anyway and moved to White Rock, which is right beside the ocean. We got ourselves a Mustang to drown our sorrows in. My parents are very happy that we didn’t move. We will make the best of what is thrown at us and we will enjoy life no matter where we are… that is just who we are. Our goal is to move to California if we can. But that is a long term goal… for now we have a 4 year lease on the car, so I think we will be here for at least 4 years. We love being at the ocean so even though it isn’t in Mexico, it is at least the same Pacific Ocean.

We are working at erasing that part of our lives away from our memory. It means nothing to us and has nothing to do with our future. It was a horrible, sucky, unnecessary piece of our lives that we will be very happy to forget. It is amazing how people can play havoc on others' lives, and I am a firm believer in Karma… so we will let God deal with our enemies and we will move on with our lives. God is much better at dealing with that than I am, so I will leave it in his very capable hands ;)

So here is to an exciting life in White Rock where the ocean is across the street. We will drive with the convertible top down as much as possible and we will enjoy living only an hour away from my parents. Maybe someday our lives can start new in California but we will see how that pans out, but for now we will be happy here and be grateful that God is loving and keeps us safe no matter what life throws at us. We are blessed with a great place to live, a great car, amazing parents (and best friends), decent jobs, each other AND the most amazing God and our bestest of friend… Jesus… we will always work on looking at the bright side and not wallow in the sadness of what could have been. No sense in that. It won’t change the situation.

Thank you God for helping survive the crap in this life. Glad Doug and I can survive it together.

Here I sit on our patio on a beautiful sunny day here in White Rock.  This morning it was raining, but thankfully by this afternoon, it is sunny.  We were at the beach earlier doing some people watching… that is always fun.   I think there is some reading issues with our population though… there is a sign that says no smoking and no pets on the promenade, yet you see a lot of people smoking and walking their dog.   Since the bylaw officers are around everyday, I am sure they will be caught at some point.  Guess it pays to learn to read LOL.

So our water feature is just about done.   We did it on a budget, and as you can see from the picture, I think we did a good job.  Somewhere in those plants are two gold fish.  Hopefully they adjust nicely to their new home.   I still want to put a small Japanese Maple tree beside the pond and then I think it’s done.  I think our back patio is looking pretty good.  We have 2 tomato plants and 1 serenno pepper plant.  We also have a lime bush and a lemon bush.  Hopefully at some point we will get some fruit/vegies out of our efforts.  If not, there is always the grocery store LOL.

As I sit here on a Sunday afternoon, I think of all the people that were in church this morning.  I sure don’t miss it.  I keep thinking I should miss church, but I don’t.  I miss the people, but I don’t miss the sadness of going home after church alone.  Most people do church every sunday, but the rest of the week, they don’t think about the people in the church.   Why bother seeing people once a week for an hour or so and then have no other contact with them other times.  I just don’t see the point.   I can worship God anywhere, so I don’t need church for that.  In fact I worship God the best at the beach or sitting on my patio listening to worship music.  I sure don’t need church for that.  I find church is to constricting.  You have to follow their rules and how they believe in God.  I have no desire for someone telling me how I should worship, how I should believe and how I should act.    I think I could handle it if God tells me to go to a certain church.  I know he will give me the abilities to have patience with the rules if it is supposed to be a place we should be going.  So far we haven’t found that place.  We do pray for guidance though, so it isn’t as if we refuse to go to church. 

We used to go to a Vineyard church and did like the style of it.  I think if they put one in South Surrey, we would at least try it out, but so far there isn’t plans to put one out here.  The closest one is in Langley, and we just didn’t get along with the people there and we were hurt fairly badly by a bunch of the people, so we have no desire to go back.  I think you have to get along with the people in a church if you want to go there.   The church we used to go to when we first moved to Surrey become to political for us… too many rules, ect.  How can one dictate how long a song can be played in a worship service… geshhh… I just don’t understand that.  Guess the will of God is second to being in control of the songs in worship.  I am just not into rules and politics and if people need that, that is ok.  Just don’t expect me to like it.  I am ok with not going to church for now.   Problem with my way of thinking is that our Christian friends don’t agree and so we don’t have a lot of Christian friends anymore because they believe that to be a good Christian, you have to go to church.  Oh well… it’s a lonely life, but at least I am living it the way I believe in.   I know we are living it the way God wants us to, so what more can I do… i am ok with it for the most part. 

So I guess I should finish some planting of the roses.  I got a few from my mom yesterday, so I should find a place for them in our back patio.  I also think at some point we will have to take the car out for a drive with the convertible top down … I hear it calling me from downstairs.

It was a good week last week.  The weekend went pretty good too.   It wasn’t too hard to get back to work after Vegas.  My one bookkeeping job has slowed down a bit, but I can just make up the hours with the other job.  I have been doing ok as a Travel Agent too, so I can’t complain… too much.  I would like a few more hours, so we will see what I find to do for some extra money.  I have some credit cards to pay off and a few future cruises to pay for.

Our weekend was nice.  We went to my parents on Saturday and stayed the night.  We had a party to go to nearby for some friends of Doug.  I was having my 40th birthday party at my parents on Sunday, so it all worked out fairly nicely.  My mom made a really good cheese cake for the party.  We brought a bunch of salads and my dad barbequed a bunch of tube steaks (weiners).  It was a nice party with some family members.  My grandpa (opa) came too.  His wife is in the hospital, so he has been getting a little lonely.  He is 98 years old… not too bad if you ask me.   I got some cool gifts for my birthday.  Most of them I knew about, but that is how we do things in our family… it helps so that we get gifts we like.  If you are on my facebook page, you can see the pictures of the gifts I got. 

Our life does not consist of too many friends these days.  It hasn’t for a long time actually… mostly due to the choices we have made.   We are fairly picky on how we like to be treated as friends.  Maybe too picky, but it is the boundaries we have made.  Let me tell you a phrase a former friend of ours said… “I can not agree to disagree”.  How does one move on with that kind of a friendship?  How can friends not agree to disagree?  That statement was the final nail in the death of our friendship (which still makes me sad).   One thing people will realize from this blog is that we think differently.  I know that the way I think will not always be the way others will think, but I am ok with.  How one believes makes no difference to me and I would like the same respect back from our friends.  I will gladly talk of my beliefs, but please do not argue with me about them.   I have a cousin who loves to discuss his beliefs, and we will chat on MSN for hours discussing them because he doesn’t try to change how I think, and I don’t try to change how he thinks.   It comes to respect… he respects my beliefs and I respect his. 

I also find as we get older, our friends that we used to have, get busier with various things and so we tend to be the last thing on their minds.   I get tired of being the one who always calls people to get together, so we land up just giving up eventually, and weirdly enough… the phone never rings.   I guess it was bound to happen though… we don’t have kids, so we tend to have more time on our hands than most other people.  We also don’t go to church (right now) and so we aren’t involved in every little church thing either.  

It does get lonely though, but I think it is how our life will be for the most part.  I would like to think that if we move away someday, it might get better, but I somehow doubt it.   It is why we surround ourselves with things we like… beach condo, great car and travelling… because we need something to do.  Our evenings usually are spent watching tv, playing on the computer, going for a walk on the beach and maybe going to the coffee place for some coffee and people watching.   I do go through my head sometimes to try to figure out where we can change, but it usually doesn’t go anywhere since I don’t see why we have to change our personality so that we get along better with people.  Why can’t people love us the way we are?   We might be a bit quirky, but honestly, are we that off base that nobody really wants to spend time with us?  Sure we have some odd beliefs, but how does that make a difference.  

I don’t have regrets with our past friendships.  I believe that friendships should be uplifting and positive… not depressing and negative.  We have had those kind of people in our lives and eventually we had to change the situation.  It was hard, but it the long run it had a lot less tears.  I know that not everyone will get along and I think a person has to find the right fit for friends… turns out that part is hard to find.    Right now the only people I would bear my soul too (other than Doug) would be my parents and maybe 1 other person, but she doesn’t live close by, so that makes it hard.   It is hard sometimes to see so many people have such close friends in their lives that they can cry on their shoulder, phone when something goes great, etc… I do wonder why we don’t have that with anyone in our age group. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not blogging this to get sympathy.  It is a blog of my thoughts.   It helps me organize my very jumbled mind of everything in it.  I know that I am loved by God very much.  He created me this way and I am grateful for that.   I love how he has changed my views on life and Christianity.  It is amazing to have my paradigm shift on my beliefs… i love it.  I always felt so out of sync with the Christian world, but I am starting to realize that I am not so out of sync… God has been changing how I see things.  I have a great support in my parents who have seen things very differently all their lives too…

I am 40 now… wiser maybe, but probably not LOL.   I am looking forward to my future… it may be hard at times, but I think I will get to unjumble my head even more as time goes on.  I enjoyed turning 40… had a great time in Vegas and a great party at my parents.   I don’t feel any older, but I guess once the eye sight goes, I might start to feel older HA HA HA.  Happy 40th birthday to me… here is to many many more.  Hopefully I don’t confuse Doug too much with all my wierd Christian views 

We just got back from 3 nights in Las Vegas. We stayed at Bally's right on the strip. We got to see Le Reve and Mystere, both being Cirque shows. We had a great time relaxing and seeing stuff. We got to sit at the pool a few times and did some swimming and sun tanning. On our last day we went to Valley of Fire and drove around and put about 175 miles onto our rental car in 6 hours (not to shabby). We love exploring and seeing things.

I think this might be the last time to Vegas though... it had way to many young, drunk, half naked people there this time. Sure it was a long weekend, so maybe that was the problem, but boy was it crazy. I have never seen so many people drink so much in one weekend. You can't tell me the recession is still around. Booze isn't cheap in Vegas either. We each drank a Margarita ($4.50 each discounted) and that was it. We drank a lot of water though. I enjoyed my 40th birthday there though. I don't regret going. I love all the lights and stuff to do.

My feet sure hurt from all the walking. I think we probably lost weight instead of gaining weight. We had coupons for just about every meal we ate and once I tally up the numbers, I think we will have done pretty good in the spending department. When we crossed the border the border guard asked how much the value of goods we were bringing across... I told him $15 for the bottle of rum we bought at the duty free. I think he thought that was funny.

Now back to reality of working and paying off some bills. We need to get those credit cards payed off so we can use it again for our September vacation. We have gotten a little behind because of me loosing the caretaking job. Oh well... guess it's time to be a little more frugal with our money. I missed my car while we were away though and was very happy to be driving in it today. Sure hope the sun comes out so we can actually drive with the top (convertible) down a bit.

Sunday we are going to my parents to have a small birthday party for me since I was gone on my actual birthday. Can't wait to celebrate again... you can never celebrate too much.

Not much going on with us right now. I still have to post why we love California so much, but that needs to be done in the quiet of home with some music going. Right now I am at work and don't have the ability to concentrate on it.

Glad I didn't offend anyone about my views of Christianity... and even if I did... I really don't care HA HA HA.

Will post again soon.

Well this last weekend was the Canadian long weekend. We had a nice relaxing weekend here in sunny White Rock. We spent Saturday in Agassiz with my sister. After the flower show, we went over to my parents (who weren't home) and had a nice dinner of lasagna. We visited with Jos, Andrea and Owen for awhile and then went home around 6:30. Sunday saw us sleeping in a bit and then having coffee. One of our local restaurants has started a buffet breakfast for $8.99/person, so we walked (1 whole block) over and had a very yummy breakfast. We did go out to check out some ideas for a small pond and to pick up a lime tree for our California oasis in our back yard. Doug had a good idea for a pond and we got the necessary items on Sunday and on Monday. So now we have a 64 litre (rubbermaid containter) pond in our back yard with a lily, and a few other plants. A fish is next, or maybe 2 fish. Once we are all done we will post some pictures.

It was a nice weekend. I wish we could have spent more time with people, but it seems everyone is too busy, so that's ok... guess that is the downfall to not having kids. Doug is working on some school work and he managed to get a lot done. I worked a bit on pictures and got a few more pages done. I like the scrapbook using Creative Memories products. I am a little behind, but that is ok... I like looking at the pictures and remembering how much fun we had.

This coming weekend, we will celebrate the American long weekend in Las Vegas. It seems they figured my 40th birthday deserved a national holiday, so heck, why not enjoy it. I turn 40 on Saturday and we are spending 3 nights at Bally's in Las Vegas. I have 2 shows booked already... Le Reve and Mystere. Can't wait to enjoy the bright shiny lights of Vegas. I love cities and all the lights. We will go to some buffett's for food, and maybe even spend a day in the spa of our hotel. I plan to check out some of the free shows that the various hotels offer. Guess it will be a weekend of walking. Not sure exactly that I will do on my birthday, but just being in Vegas is enough.

This is going to be a shorter work week, which is nice. Not so nice for the paycheck, but worth it in the long run. We leave here at about 6am Friday morning... going to go to Denny's for breaky in Ferndale and then be at the airport by 8am... our flight leaves at 9:30am... can't wait. Instead of being at work, I will be on vacation... YIPEE!!!

I just read a post on craiglist about our old place The Morgan. We used to the caretakers there, but due to being overworked and underpaid, we decided to quit. We loved the concept of the job and would consider doing it somewhere else at some point. The place was filled with a lot of young people who didn't like rules and it was hard to deal with. We were told to enforce the rules, but when we did, then we were told we should be leniant... good grief... stick to one thing and follow through. It was hard living there though... we loved the idea of a pool, but the people so abused it, that the rest of us couldn't enjoy it. I loved having a pool in my own place, but the last few months I couldn't even step into that area. So I guess this year I will have to learn to swim more in the ocean since we are only steps away from it. We have a really nice place... it's about 1050 square feet with a huge balcony. It's a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom unit. The living room is kinda small, but we don't need much for 2 people and 2 recliners. Our bedroom is pretty big and we love our master bath with the huge soaker tub. The biggest bonus is living right across the street from the beach. We can drive into our underground parking and giggle at everyone else who has to find parking LOL.

No big vacations booked until September. Then we are doing a cruise and spending some time in Florida. We are looking forward to meeting some new friends on the cruise. We met these people (Tim & Aislinn) on a cruise forum about a year ago and have been chatting ever since. We are also on each other's facebook. They are Mormons and it has been fascinating to learn about their beliefs. Turns out Mormons are Christians (or at least these two are) and it's nice to talk to people about their beliefs because I have been told (by media) that Mormons are not Christians. I think we all need to step outside of our box a bit and not put "Christianity" as a set of characteristics because there are no set rules for that. Mormons can be Christians just like anyone else. I think this world has a very small view of who can be Christians and boy will people be surprised on who will be in heaven with us. I think the whole concept of Christianity has to be opened up a bit. Too many rules and politics in church has made Christianity not for everyone, and Jesus was born on this earth for EVERYONE. God sent him down as a human so that he has a connection with us. I think we are due for a paradigm shift of our beliefs... I know mine has changed a lot in the last few years.

Are we ready for that paradigm shift? I hope I am because I want to see it. I want to see everyone be accepted as children of God, no matter your sexual orientation, your religious beliefs, or your rebellious personality. Are we able to see Christianity outside of the box? Other than the basic acceptance of Jesus in our hearts and lives, there is great interpretation of how Christianity looks and we shouldn't judge others if it looks different than our small box. Step out of that box and see if it can look different. It is starting too for me and I like it... for once I feel a little normal in all the mayhem. Bring it on.

People like to use that line when they find out that something bad happened to a person. Can you imagine how God feels about that... every time something bad happens to us, we tell each other that it's God's fault. No wonder people have a bad outlook on our God... he is blamed for everything, even though it usually the fault of human nature, human error or just plain old human sin. This world is sinful, and along with that comes hurt and pain. There is no way around it, if we want to live here, it is what will happen. We can get through it though with God/Jesus. He will comfort us and even guide us how to get through it. I don't believe in that saying at all (for the most part). I think there are times when God tells us to do something, but life gets in the way and human choice makes things very painful. Do remember that God gave us choice in the beginning, and has never taken that away. Let me tell you a story... a story of a loss of a daughter... her name was Colleen...

About 5 years ago I was watching a TV show called Judging Amy. There was an episode about a teenage boy who was in the foster care system and it was mentioned how once kids hit a certain age in the system, that they would have a very little chance to get adopted. I light went off in my head... why not adopt a teen. We love that age group and we don't have a desire for babies, so why not... we had a decent sized house, good jobs and lots of love to give. I think it was about October at the time. So we got in contact with social services and started the process. They have a website with all the kids in the system, so we went through the website. We knew that the right person would jump out at us, and she did... her screen name was Colleen.

The process starts with a home visit and an interview... and we got that done right away. We also joined a program that specialized in connecting the older kids in the system to parents. When we explained who we were looking at, the head of the group said we would be a perfect match. Coleen was looking for a couple with no kids, people with a dog, someone who would be OK with her still spending time with an aunt, and other things that just perfectly matched with us. So away we went on the long grueling process that could take months and months. Turns out the group leader got us fast tracked through and the only thing slowing us down was some courses we had to take. They started in February and ended in late March... but we found out that we were fast tracked and could even meet Coleen part way through March. We did our home studies and were approved. Everyone liked us and thought that Coleen and us would be a great match. Everything was falling into place perfectly and we figured in about a month, we would get to meet our daughter...

Doug's family is different... some are really nice and some aren't. Doug's sister has some issues, and proceeded to phone social services and tell them a bunch of lies. In our system you are guilty until proven innocent, and how do you prove innocence on lies??? Within a day of her phone call, we got called to the office and were informed that we were not able to adopt, and in fact, we couldn't do anything with children. Our names were black flagged. We were devastated and we considered fighting it, but how?? It meant bringing his family through the mud... all the secrets, all the bad things in the past, etc... we just couldn't do that. Even though we don't like his family much, we didn't know if we could hurt them that badly, especially his parents. So we just gave up... and we gave up on Coleen, which I think was the hardest. Should we have fought for her more... did we choose his family (who we don't like) over our future daughter? I guess we did choose his family, but what could we have done? We are to honour our parents, and putting them through hell is not honouring them, even though they made mistakes.

So what do some people say when they heard our story?? I guess it wasn't in God's time!! So, we follow everything to what God tells us... everything falls into place as if it was meant to be, and then God rips it away from us? Good grief, what kind of God do people think we have... there is no way this was God. It was his sister and her hate... nothing to do with God. Put the blame where it belongs and don't blame the One who handed it to us, and who eventually comforted us through it all. There are times where prayer's aren't answered in the way we want, and that is just God saying it isn't time, or something like that, but really... if God gives you something, or lets things happen for good, he isn't going to rip it away from us, his children. Life is what screws with us... it's our sinful life here on earth that messes things up. It's people's choices that puts us at risk of being hurt and in pain.

Even with our Mexico fiasco in December, I totally believe that it was God sending us there and everything worked out so well, that it had to be God. It was two people's choices that changed our destiny and NOT God. Their choice to play with peoples' lives and to mess with our heads. I will tell you that story at some other time... it's also a doozy... we have had a few in our lives, but through it all, we are still strong and know that God loves us very much. I don't believe that we would be any less stronger without these experiences. There is no way God does this to test us, otherwise that would be very mean of him. Again... it's this sinful world that does this to us and it's God that comforts us and brings us through it. Remember, Jesus was sent to take away our pain, our sadness, our burdens... he carries them for us.

People may not agree with this, but heck, this is my blog, and it's my opinion, so please do not post negative responses to it. You won't change my mind and why bring hurt and pain onto a blog that is about me ;)