I am on season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. I started at season 2 a few months ago and have gone through the seasons quickly. I need it to keep my mind off things right now and it seems to be working. Today I am a little more at peace about how in shambles our finances are. We can’t change it right now, so it is what it is. If someone phones wanting money, there is nothing we can do about it right now… wait in line like everyone else. This too shall pass and someday the light will be brighter at the end of our tunnel. I can’t believe all the things we have gone through in our lives, but honestly, for the most part, in spite of all the crap, we have enjoyed so much. I don’t believe God is at fault for any of the crap though…it is life and it is part of living in a world of sin. God/Jesus is the reason we can survive it though…because I know there is more fun than there is crap. I can’t say that for the people on Grey’s Anatomy though… I think they have covered all the crap in one’s life in just 4 seasons. Must suck to be them… good thing it isn’t real HEE HEE HEE I also don’t believe God allows this to happen us just to make us stronger… but if you choose to believe that, then so be it, I am ok with that too. Who really cares what we believe when it comes to “crap” in our lives… the main thing we give God/Jesus credit for allowing us to manage through it all. When we get to heaven all this won’t matter and we will just enjoy God’s glory and all the crap will be forgotten.
One thing about watching a show like this does though is reaffirm that one must live for today. You never know when death knocks on your door and if it is your time, then it is your time. I want to live a life with no regrets and living for today is how I choose to live it. I am grateful that so far, we still have each other… i have watched many an episode where a loved one is lost to death and how heart wrenching that is. I especially get teary (ok blubbery) when it is an old couple that have been married for over 50 years… how does one go on when you loose the love of your life after so many years… but you do and that is life. Death on this earthly form is a part of our life… sucks though… not looking forward to it, so I am hoping I will have peace when it happens. I do know a little about that peaceful feeling though… let me tell you a story (some have heard this story before)…
It was about 15 years ago and after a stressful episode of ER, Doug decided to have a stroke. On Valentines Day we spent our early morning wondering what was wrong with him. The doctor’s had no idea what was wrong with Doug. He went numb on one side, and couldn’t talk properly and he kept throwing up. I called my parents at about 2 in the morning and they showed up for support, but eventually went home because we didn’t know what was wrong. I sat at his bedside for the next few hours holding the barf bucket. We didn’t know it was a stroke at this point, so your mind goes everywhere thinking about what is wrong. You have to remember I was about 25 years old at the time. I remember thinking that Doug was going to die and I remember thinking how at peace I was about it. That is truly only God that gives a person peace like that. By around 9ish a neurologist had come and gone and implied what had happened. Then our family doctor came into the ER and I remember that look on his face when he first saw Doug… it was a look of disbelief on what was going on (Dr. Bartel is also my uncle). I will never forget that look and the love he showed to me when I broke down and cried on his shoulder. I think it was at that point I started realizing that maybe things will start to look up soon and that I wasn’t going to loose the love of my life.
Unlike Grey’s Anatomy, life is not a tv show where things move quickly and you can write a happy ending (or sad ending depending on the episode). Life is what it is and we have to muddle through it no matter what. Economies drop through the floor and we loose everything, wrong decisions in finances can’t always be written away and we can’t always skip all the bad stuff and get too the good stuff. We have been married 24 years…and I am only 42 so God willing (or life willing), we plan on being married for many many more years. I think right now is one of our hardest times as a couple though… we support each other and life each other up, but I think there is so much in our heads that we don’t talk about out loud. I think saying it makes it all seem so much more real and right now we have enough reality that we just can’t handle any more. I watch my tv shows to escape reality and Doug plays computer games or applies for jobs… but I know that we need to figure out ways to do things together to keep supporting each other in this. Just sitting outside together is nice, but honestly, too much quiet time together starts a person thinking again… and right now both our minds are running amuck (how does one spell that word LOL). I know we will get through this and don’t give me the bullshit that we will be stronger because of this (remember I don’t believe that crap), but I do know we are survivors and together with my parents and God, we will come through this with smiles on our faces and vacations booked.
On that note on vacations, next week we head on a small road trip in our Mustang to Auburn, Washington to take in Creationfest NW to enjoy 4 nights of God worshipping music. I think the drive down will be a blast (hoping to have wind in our hair and sun on our face) and I think being surrounded by thousands of Christians all worshipping our Protector will be the much needed rest we need. There will be no smut tv (Grey’s Anatomy) and no other distractions (ok maybe a few computer games), so we can enjoy our time with each other, with my parents and my sister and my nephew. We are looking forward to this much needed brain rest. Who knows what fun we can find along the way… a stop at Cabella’s is probably in order, a visit with our landlords, and grocery shopping at the Bellingham Costco (and a yummy ice cream bar)… what more does one need in life? I think we are blessed… look at the positive in life and don’t dwell on the negative. Thank you God that you take care of us and that we aren’t an episode on Grey’s Anatomy.