California for Stefani

Just over a month ago Doug started having some leg pains and then some back pains… a month later he is on a narcotic and uses a walker and a wheel chair to get around.  Today he is waiting for an MRI so that we can get an idea of what his future holds for surgery or other options.  When it comes to the scans, he has been doing well.  He has managed to get an MRI fairly quickly and for that we are grateful.  We were wondering if we would have to pay for on that he could fit into, but so far this one looks good.  The rest of the story isn’t so happy… I have never been so unsatisfied with the quality of care in my life.  Our doctor went on holiday’s and the clinic he works out of was not overly helpful, so we have managed to get most of our information from the internet.  Today we saw his doctor and he was very reassuring that the meds that Doug is on would be ok for him.  Being that he is on a narcotic, we were worried about addicting side effects, but Dr. Lowe says he should be ok.   We are hoping the orthopaedic surgeon will give us some other options especially for the cruise.  We will ask about a corotzon shot or an epidural.

We are both so tired from all this ordeal.  It has been a fight to get care.  The biggest problem is everyone is on holiday’s and so we were lost in the cracks of the system.  It isn’t a perfect system, but I am sure glad we haven’t had to pay for all this care up front.  I can’t even imagine how much this would have cost if we had lived in the states.  With both of us being self employed I think medical insurance in the states wouldn’t have been much of an option.  So for now I will be happy that we are Canadians that has a fairly decent medical system but just needs a little bit of work. 

One of the things that it is in the bible is talking about caring for the sick.   I know Doug isn’t in the hospital, but does he have to be for people to care for him?  One of the things I have asked for is help.  The kind that involves more than just “prayer”.   I totally believe in prayer, do not get me wrong, but should there not be more than just praying for someone (if you can)?   Our bible study group brought food one week and that is greatly appreciated.  My parents are a great source of strength.  What about the Christians in the area that say “we are praying for you”, but don’t do anything to physically help us?   I am not asking for a lot, how about even a little visit?  Is that so hard for people?   I guess it is because nobody other than my friend Conny (bible study group and parents not included) has even bothered to come by.  I am truly disappointed but honestly, that isn’t a change in my thinking anyway.  It is why we stopped going to church… we just landed up always getting hurt and being disappointed by our fellow “Christians”.  i remember when Doug had his stroke 15 years ago and the church that we were going to did nothing to help us. Somewhere along the line this world has gotten to be a “me” generation and nobody wants to help anyone else.   

I know how hard I work at helping out those in need that ask for it.  When my grandma went into the hospital near us, I made sure we visited often and got the rest of the family encouraged to do the same.  All people need is some attention… a hug maybe, or just a cup of coffee and a shoulder to cry on.  I guess that is too much to ask… bummer.  I guess I have high expectations… time to lower them LOL.  I do have to become a little less cynical though as that isn’t going to help my personality much.  I used to have so much faith in people and as I get older, that faith has diminished.  I know my attitude about church needs adjusting and I am working on that.  I have chats with God about it all the time.

My faith in God/Jesus has not changed at all though.  I can separate “church” from my relationship with God.  I love how I know Jesus is our best friend.  He came to this earth to feel everything we have felt.  He is no stranger to all of this and every feeling I am dealing with, he has felt it too.  It is great strength that I know I am not alone in how I feel and how people disappoint.  He has felt it so much more.  Can you imagine knowing you are saving this world from sin and still people spit on you… how heartbreaking would that be for someone.  Jesus is my example.  I want to live how he lived… he was the ultimate rebel and did things the way he thought it should be.  I love my friendship with him and will cherish that always.  I know that he weeps when we weep about all this.  I know that he hurts when we hurt.  He has dealt with it all and there is comfort in that.  Jesus is the great comforter (hopefully feather) and I will always look to him no matter what.   This world will try to get us down, and we will just keep fighting it and keep looking to our saviour for peace and love.  There is no greater love that is for sure, and I feel it all the time. 

I have to focus on the positive and not the negative.  We have a “free” medical system.  We are driving around an amazing car that brings us so much joy.  We love living by the beach and have been able to wheel Doug out there to enjoy the beautiful ocean waves.  We have my parents who are so supportive and we will be vacationing with them in just over a month.  Why do I need more?  I think that should be enough, so I will focus on that and not what I might be missing out on.

I think we are in week 4 of Doug’s back issue.  He has been doing well with his percocet which has been helping with pain management.  It has addicting side effects, but since it is the only thing that is helping, I guess we stick with that.  We finally got to see a doctor (Chiropractor) and he has started Doug on Low Intensity Laser Treatment.  His regular doctor is back next Monday, and I think he is going to get an earful on how bad this has all gone for Doug.  If it wasn’t for the Chiropractor, he would have nobody telling him how to get this fixed.   With all this going on in our lives and the extra drug costs, our bank account is looking thin (darn).  I can’t pick up any other clients because I am making sure that Doug is managing at his job.  Thankfully the clients that I do have are flexible and I can make it work around our schedule, but I just don’t have the energy either to do any more work.  

I got someone to clean our house a few weeks ago and tomorrow I have a personal care aid coming in to help me a bit with some cooking and even some company.  I will talk to her about coming in regularly for cleaning and some other things though.  We can’t afford to go out as much, but I don’t have the energy to cook, so something has to give LOL.   I rented Doug a wheelchair so that has helped him get around a bit, but boy is it heavy and it only fits into the back seat of the car, so I have to lift it up.  Good thing the weather has been nice though, because it only fits back there if the top is down.  Hopefully I don’t need to get a hitch to cart around a wheel chair LOL

Last week our home group supplied meals which was really nice.  This week I have managed with some of those leftovers.  Not sure what will happen for next week, but maybe I will get dinners organized and have someone cook them for me (or she can do the dishes LOL).  I am getting a good rate from my client (Comfort Keepers), so it might be worth having her come in a few times a week for awhile. 

We go on vacation next month.  I have a wheelchair ordered for the cruise and we just have to figure out if Doug can manage the flights.  I think the rest he should be ok with even if it means taking a bit more drugs to help him manage his pain.   We can’t wait to do the Panama Canal cruise and I am looking forward to having someone do a lot of the work for me.  I am thinking there will be no ziplining for Doug though.

Through all this, I have never blamed God for this.  We live in a world of sin, and this is all a part of it.  God/Jesus provides us the peace to manage through it all.  I have very little emotion left at the end of the day, but I know that I am very much loved by God and that he holds me in his arms throughout the day.   I am so very grateful for that and the peace that he gives me to manage through all this. 

I am also very grateful for the people who have helped physically supporting us right now as that is what we need the most.   My parents are the best and they are the greatest support out there.  Thanks to everyone in our bible study group who helped when I sent out a call.  My friend Conny has been wonderful in her advise (she is a nurse) and someone to visit with when I need a break from life.  At one of my clients (Comfort Keepers) the office staff has been wonderful to me in all their support.  They all understand where I am coming from, which has been great.  There have been many others that have helped us in advise and prayers… thank you so much.  Right now I need people who I can touch… the ones that can either help out or just come over and visit and take my mind off of all the things that needs to be done.   I love Doug very much but sometimes I need to see someone other than his sexy face ;)  If I get to that point, sometimes I just go downstairs and visit with my friend Anica who runs the market there.  I love people watching and visiting with her.  She has become a great friend to the two of us.

So goodbye for now… if you come to White Rock you might see a red head pushing the beach bum (not blond right now) in a wheel chair.  They will be smiling because if everything else crashes in the world, we still have our ocean front condo and our convertible Mustang.