California for Stefani

We all have dreams and we try to attain those dreams.  At least I do.  I generally don’t create dreams that I can’t attain because then I am just disappointed.  We have the little dreams, and we all have big dreams and right now our biggest dream is to be able to live in Southern California, but honestly, is this an attainable dream?  I don’t know as the US and Canada don’t get along well when it comes to moving across borders.  But why California?  Why not the Sunshine Coast?  Well, one reason is the sand…the sand in California is “real” (as quoted by my niece).  But why else?  Well… here are some reasons…

1.  There is something about the California Coast people that appeal to us… watching a bunch of business people go surfing at lunch is just cool.  There is a laid back lifestyle that appeals to me, which thankfully, the people on the Pacific Coast are slowly understanding.

2.  It is the part about our life that would mean starting over…cleaning the slate and trying to create our life to go a little better and maybe do things without the mistakes we made here.   I think that might be our financial hell talking though, so maybe once things look up a little better, we won’t be so down about not being able to move.

3.  We have some really cool friends in Southern California and I would love to live close by so we could get to know them more…how fun would that be. 

4.  Mickey Mouse lives there…really, how amazing would it be to live in the same state as Disneyworld?  Is that not everyone’s dream? 

So why not the Sunshine Coast…it is close by and the lifestyle is a lot like what they have in Southern California… or maybe Vancouver Island…especially the west side where all the surfer’s are…hmmmm…do we change our dreams?  Not sure and it is what we have been pondering.  Here are the reasons we stay here and we have to focus on them because even though the grass is always greener on the other side, our grass is what we have and we have to nurture it, water it and appreciate it.

1.  My parents…they are our best friends and we LOVE spending time with them.  They support us and are there for us through it all.  How could we move away from them? 

2.  Our current living situation…we may be having issues with the tenants downstairs, but the big picture here is that we have amazing landlords and something tells me we can be long time friends.  This is one our favourite places to live so far.  We love the area and we have the support to make our space look nice. 

3.  We can work here…in California we would not be able to work, so really, we have not choice but to stay because here is where the work is.  So our prayer is that we find jobs that can pay the bills and be able to travel to California to visit.

4.  Being a Canadian…well…I would love to be an American citizen, but after this year of watching all the American people grumble and complain about EVERYTHING and how non tolerant they are with differences in people, I am slowly understanding why we should be proud to be Canadian.  We grumble about our politics, but honestly, who can do better?  We don’t live in a perfect world and the only way we can change the people in politics is to go out and vote.  Stop criticizing everyone for what they do because I think the people in our government (for the most part) are doing the best they can for the person that they are.  There is no way I could do their job…I can’t imagine waking up every morning to people talking trash about me all the time.  I can’t imagine that is good on a person’s self esteem.   I am not saying I like how our provincial government is treating us, but I will not talk trash about them personally and when it comes time to vote, I hope I will vote for what works for me.  Do people not realize that we are all different and what works for one person doesn’t work for another…it is all about tolerance and I wish there was more of it around.  I just think as Canadians, we do a little better job of it and my hope would that we can move to California and show my American neighbours how it is done LOL.

5.  I need to focus on the positives…we live as close as we can get to the US without moving there.  We have the benefits of being a Canadian, but able to save some money by shopping in the US for the things that are cheaper there.  We live close to airports that allow us to visit Southern California for cheap.  We live in a very beautiful part of Canada and we should be very grateful for that.  Even though it rains a lot here, we have beautiful green scenery because of that rain. 

Dreams…I will hold on to the ones I have and hopefully they will all come true, but if they don’t, that is a part of life.   So many of our dreams have come true so really, what do we have to complain about…we need to appreciate what we have and not always focus on what we don’t have.  I have had a hard week with the finances, so I think that is what is bringing up these emotions…but I think it will start getting a little better soon with the new job I got and hopefully Doug will find something too.  We pray for guidance and I hope we follow where God leads us because I do know we try very hard to be aware of what God wants us to do. 

If we can’t move to California, I think the Sunshine Coast might be a goal for us at some point.  But it has to be where God wants us and not where we want to be.  I do believe that God gives us the dreams in our hearts though, so I think we will be ok.   Things don’t happen overnight, so we have to be patient and live for today…stop worrying about tomorrow.  Today we will enjoy our yard that has some newly planted trees.  Today we will enjoy a car that we can use for star gazing because the roof goes down.  Today we will enjoy our home because it is cozy and has our stuff in it.  Today we will enjoy my parents because they live close by and are fun to be around.  Today we will enjoy our friends that live here.  Today we will book vacations for tomorrow

The summer is over half over which really isn’t an issue for us since we usually don’t do much for the summer anyway.  Our vacation’s usually happen during the quiet times of the year when kids are in school.  We are looking forward to our short trip to California next month.  Only 5 nights away, but at least it is something and we get to see our favourite state.  We finally managed to get the hot tub up and running which is really nice.  Even though it is hot outside right now, it is still nice to sit in our hot tub.  We really missed it and it makes this place feel like home finally.  We did help out our landlords by making the front yard look a little less like a rental, and so we tore down the front fence and replaced them with pyramid cedar’s.  It was a lot of work, but I think it was worth it.  Now we can sit in our front yard and be proud of what it looks like.  We posted pictures of the process on facebook.  We had a lot of help from my family which is nice.  Even though we live in a rental place, we all still treat it as our own.  We used to own a house, so I guess we just appreciate our living situation.  Doug had a good interview at KalTire and he is waiting for a second interview.  I had a second interview at a bookkeeping job that could give me some decent hours, so this next week might bring us some much needed good news in our job situation.  Thankfully Doug enjoys his job at London Drugs, so if he has to stay there for now, that is fine too. 

This last few weeks has brought a lot of controversy regarding the whole gay marriage thing.  I guess I just don’t get it, what does it matter who gets married?  If two people of the same sex want to get married, how does that effect us?  I think people just don’t like change…I don’t get it though, we spend the first 18 years of our live going through oodles of change, so why are we so against it when we become adults?  I wonder how society took to the change of allowing divorce as easily as it is today?  How about black people being able to eat in the same restaurant as whites?  I recall there being a lot of uproar about that particular change.  Or even women having the right to vote…so much change, but in the end it was for the better.  So I guess all my gay friends just have to wait it out a few more years and then the rest of the modern world will adjust to this bit of change too.  I am grateful though that people stand up for their rights to live the same way as everyone else though.  I believe that we all have the right to live the way we want too and as a Christian, should we not be even more tolerable of change and the differences in people?    

I know that my views have changed as I have gotten older.  I am way less judgemental of people.  We all have our own life stories and this shapes who we are and we have to live within those parameters because that is all we know.  If God chooses to change someone’s heart then that is up to God and them and we have to right to butt into their lives.  Doug and I learned that early on in our married life…we tried to do things the “church” way and in the end Doug had a stroke we realized that we should have left well enough alone.   As Christians we need to be way more tolerable of each other.  We need to support people in who they are and just allow God to work in people’s lives the way he wants it to happen, not the way the “church” thinks it should happen.  I am grateful for my relationship with God/Jesus and I will always cherish my friendship with him.   I guess my walk is going to be different than other’s so I can’t judge others either when it comes to how they judge LOL.   I think this type of thinking makes it very hard to find “Christian” friends, which I really do miss, but I guess no Christian friends is better than judgemental Christian friends who think we are less of a person because we don’t go to church or don’t believe the way the mainstream “Christians” think.   We are grateful for my parents who do understand what we are going through in this matter… it seems they went through the same thing at our age with their age group.  Who knew this was hereditary LOL.  This is where we are glad we didn’t have kids though…who wants that for their kids?  Who wants for their kids to learn how disappointing the “church family” can be when you are taught all your life that they are the ones that should support you… I guess that is yet another part of life that changes… learning about the sin in this world.  I am not perfect (yes, I am admitting that), and I plan on learning for the rest of my life. 

I want to live my life with my eyes wide open, to be accepting of people no matter what and to allow God to guide me in all areas of my life.   I want to be accepting of change and how that will enhance our lives.  So much has changed in our lives from when we first got married 24 years ago… some things were not for the best, but some things God has turned into positive things even though it wasn’t supposed to go that way in the first place.    God blesses us no matter where we are and that is what I look towards… I want all of his blessings that he can pour on us… that is what I wish for.

I am on season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy.  I started at season 2 a few months ago and have gone through the seasons quickly.  I need it to keep my mind off things right now and it seems to be working.  Today I am a little more at peace about how in shambles our finances are.  We can’t change it right now, so it is what it is.  If someone phones wanting money, there is nothing we can do about it right now… wait in line like everyone else.  This too shall pass and someday the light will be brighter at the end of our tunnel.  I can’t believe all the things we have gone through in our lives, but honestly, for the most part, in spite of all the crap, we have enjoyed so much.  I don’t believe God is at fault for any of the crap though…it is life and it is part of living in a world of sin.  God/Jesus is the reason we can survive it though…because I know there is more fun than there is crap.  I can’t say that for the people on Grey’s Anatomy though… I think they have covered all the crap in one’s life in just 4 seasons.  Must suck to be them… good thing it isn’t real HEE HEE HEE  I also don’t believe God allows this to happen us just to make us stronger… but if you choose to believe that, then so be it, I am ok with that too.  Who really cares what we believe when it comes to “crap” in our lives… the main thing we give God/Jesus credit for allowing us to manage through it all.  When we get to heaven all this won’t matter and we will just enjoy God’s glory and all the crap will be forgotten.

One thing about watching a show like this does though is reaffirm that one must live for today.  You never know when death knocks on your door and if it is your time, then it is your time.  I want to live a life with no regrets and living for today is how I choose to live it.   I am grateful that so far, we still have each other… i have watched many an episode where a loved one is lost to death and how heart wrenching that is.  I especially get teary (ok blubbery) when it is an old couple that have been married for over 50 years… how does one go on when you loose the love of your life after so many years… but you do and that is life.  Death on this earthly form is a part of our life… sucks though… not looking forward to it, so I am hoping I will have peace when it happens.  I do know a little about that peaceful feeling though… let me tell you a story (some have heard this story before)…

It was about 15 years ago and after a stressful episode of ER, Doug decided to have a stroke.  On Valentines Day we spent our early morning wondering what was wrong with him.  The doctor’s had no idea what was wrong with Doug.  He went numb on one side, and couldn’t talk properly and he kept throwing up.  I called my parents at about 2 in the morning and they showed up for support, but eventually went home because we didn’t know what was wrong.  I sat at his bedside for the next few hours holding the barf bucket.  We didn’t know it was a stroke at this point, so your mind goes everywhere thinking about what is wrong.  You have to remember I was about 25 years old at the time.  I remember thinking that Doug was going to die and I remember thinking how at peace I was about it.  That is truly only God that gives a person peace like that.  By around 9ish a neurologist had come and gone and implied what had happened.  Then our family doctor came into the ER and I remember that look on his face when he first saw Doug… it was a look of disbelief on what was going on (Dr. Bartel is also my uncle).  I will never forget that look and the love he showed to me when I broke down and cried on his shoulder.  I think it was at that point I started realizing that maybe things will start to look up soon and that I wasn’t going to loose the love of my life. 

Unlike Grey’s Anatomy, life is not a tv show where things move quickly and you can write a happy ending (or sad ending depending on the episode).  Life is what it is and we have to muddle through it no matter what.  Economies drop through the floor and we loose everything, wrong decisions in finances can’t always be written away and we can’t always skip all the bad stuff and get too the good stuff.   We have been married 24 years…and I am only 42 so God willing (or life willing), we plan on being married for many many more years.  I think right now is one of our hardest times as a couple though… we support each other and life each other up, but I think there is so much in our heads that we don’t talk about out loud.  I think saying it makes it all seem so much more real and right now we have enough reality that we just can’t handle any more.   I watch my tv shows to escape reality and Doug plays computer games or applies for jobs… but I know that we need to figure out ways to do things together to keep supporting each other in this.   Just sitting outside together is nice, but honestly, too much quiet time together starts a person thinking again… and right now both our minds are running amuck (how does one spell that word LOL).   I know we will get through this and don’t give me the bullshit that we will be stronger because of this (remember I don’t believe that crap), but I do know we are survivors and together with my parents and God, we will come through this with smiles on our faces and vacations booked. 

On that note on vacations, next week we head on a small road trip in our Mustang to Auburn, Washington to take in Creationfest NW to enjoy 4 nights of God worshipping music.  I think the drive down will be a blast (hoping to have wind in our hair and sun on our face) and I think being surrounded by thousands of Christians all worshipping our Protector will be the much needed rest we need.   There will be no smut tv (Grey’s Anatomy) and no other distractions (ok maybe a few computer games), so we can enjoy our time with each other, with my parents and my sister and my nephew.  We are looking forward to this much needed brain rest.   Who knows what fun we can find along the way… a stop at Cabella’s is probably in order, a visit with our landlords, and grocery shopping at the Bellingham Costco (and a yummy ice cream bar)… what more does one need in life?  I think we are blessed… look at the positive in life and don’t dwell on the negative.  Thank you God that you take care of us and that we aren’t an episode on Grey’s Anatomy.

I am currently writing this blog sitting in the leather chair at our front window.  The laptop is appropriately in my… lap.  I love having a front window that looks out onto the street.  I missed that.  Our new place is great and we are loving it here.  The people downstairs are a little… well… young, so that is an adjusting situation with that.  Considering we managed a condo complex full of these kids, I think we can handle 2 of them.  Minnie is sitting in her favourite spot on a Coca Cola bean bag chair in the spare room.  She loves lying there and looking out the window and watching the birds.  Doug is playing a video game called Mass Effect.  This is what we do for excitement on a friday night.  Considering Doug is usually working on a friday night, I am quite happy about the evening off.  Two cars just drove by… I love my front window that looks out into the world.

We decided to cancel our Caribbean cruise for next January and book 6 nights at Disney World at our timeshare at Animal Kingdom.  Then we will do a 3 night Bahamas cruise on the Disney Dream.  Yup, exciting times are ahead.   We also have our California trip to look forward to this September.  We sure are enjoying our Disney timeshare.  

Couple of thoughts in my head these days…

I sure find that I “grow” up as I get older.  I know that I have never considered the “gay” relationship much of an issue, but I do know that I used to think of it as a sin.   So my saying was that all sin is the same in God’s eyes… lying, gossiping, being gay… it was all the same and regardless of the sin, we are still accepted by God.  So I have never discriminated against gay’s, but I did think it was a sin.  That thinking process began to change about 10ish years ago when I met my friends Gail and Jill.  They were a gay couple that we cruised with.  We have never connected with 2 people like we connected with them.   All 6 of us got along so well (my parents included) and we did so much talking about life with them.  We are still friends with Gail and her new wife Sheri.  It is amazing how one changes their point of view when you sit down and talk to people about their life.  It was then that we started to look at being gay as just another lifestyle.  I don’t see it as a sin anymore.  If two people are committed to each other, then why do I have the right to say anything about it.  I believe in marriage, or being committed to each other.   I don’t think it matters if you are gay, or straight.    I guess being a Christian means I should consider being gay a sin, but I am hoping that God/Jesus is ok if I don’t consider it that way.  I will discuss that with them when I get to heaven and we can hash it out then.  I think some of these odd views is probably why we don’t go to church anymore.  I don’t like how people look down on gay’s.  Granted I hate how people in church are so good at judging others so easily.    We have no right to judge others… we are all sinners and personally, we should just keep our mouth shut, live our life as a Christian as we see fit and leave other’s live their life as a Christian how they see fit.  God/Jesus knows how to talk to his people and if he sees ways that they need correcting, then he will deal with it. 

Another thought in my head….

I have been listening to the Christian radio station and some of the songs kind of bug me.  They talk about how God does things to us to make us closer to him.  Now, that is a concept that I have a bit of trouble with.  God sends his son Jesus to earth… he dies on the cross for us (our sins) so that we can be spotless in front of God… then ignores all this and causes us pain?  Really?  Who buys into this stuff?  Honestly…the truth is that living on this earth is awful.  It is filled with sin and there is no way around it.    Jesus died for us and our sins… he made us clean in front of God, so why would God be causing us pain if we are spotless?   Yes we sin, but we are also forgiven.  Things happen to us because LIFE SUCKS!!!  God/Jesus takes care of us so that we can manage through it.  That is the promise.  I will not think that God/Jesus does things to us so we can be closer to him.   What a great relationship that would be… I wonder how that would work as a husband/wife, wife/wife, husband/husband relationship.   Now, my relationship with Jesus might be a little unique… I feel that I have been a Christian all my life and my first thoughts that I can remember where about my faith in Jesus.  So maybe I don’t understand that concept of needing negativity in ones life to become more positive.  I am ok with not needing that though.  I am fine with knowing that my Jesus died for me and that he takes care of me.  It is living in a world of sin that makes the bad things happen.  It is Jesus that gives me the peace to not kill myself over it.  My relationship with Jesus is amazing… not because of the crap he has done to me, but because I know that he is the reason I am surviving this life and even enjoying parts of it (Mickey Mouse).  I don’t need crap to know that Jesus takes care of me.   Maybe we need to be reminded on why we were created (without sin).  I strive to be that person that he created.  God/Jesus created me so I can be with him in the garden… that garden disappeared when sin came into this world, but I don’t think the original reason disappeared with it.  So my life is surrounded by his creation… by his love… and I will talk to him all the time, appreciate what he has done for me, ask for help when I need it, ask for forgiveness when I sin, thank him for everything he has done and just be what he wants me to be.  We all have different purposes in life and I hope to fulfill his purpose.  I go where he wants me to go and if God/Jesus sees fit to send me to church, then I will embrace it with open arms.  Right now our bible study group is enough.

On the note of our bible study group… we have two couples having babies.   Seems so weird to me to be starting this again.  I remember about 20 years ago when our friends then where just having babies and now we are doing it again.  I think it help us keep feeling young (here is hoping). 

Our life is good…yes there is crap going on in our lives, but that is just a part of living in a world of sin.  We will look beyond the crap and see the good in the other aspects of our lives. 
Here is to heaven looking like a Disney theme park (my words of wisdom for the day LOL)

Doug and I were married in 1988 (yes we are coming up to 24 years of marriage) and since then have had a number of homes.  Each with interesting stories and how they came about to be in our lives.  We owned a house in Chilliwack in the mid 90’s and really enjoyed the house but no so much the half acre of yard maintenance.  Due to some illnesses and stupid decisions, we sold the place at a loss and owe my parents far too much money.  So let’s not dwell on the negative because I still can’t talk about all that yet… still sits heavy on my heart.  Let’s start with when we moved to Surrey in 1997…

Our first place here was a basement suite.  We went from a full house to ourselves, to living in a basement.  The landlords where nice and it actually went pretty good for the most part… we had a nice pink spare bedroom which my poor nephew had to sleep in every so often.  We parted from that place on bad terms with our landlords (no real idea why though) and moved to one of our most unique place as of yet.  Here our landlord Dee was an older lady who had family that walked all over her.  We lived in the bottom part of the duplex below her.   We would have her over for dinner and get her to join us in a few family events.  She was a very unique lady and we tried very hard to help her out whenever we could.  She had no money to fix the place up, so we landed up doing a lot of stuff.  We totally redid the bathroom when Doug fell through the outside wall (not completely through, but just about).  We also had to redo a part of the floor because it turns out the wood had cat pee on it and the only way to get rid of the smell was pull the floor out.  It was a weird lay out but turned out to be very useful when our ever so young cousin Naomi came to live with us.  This was a start of a long and wonderful friendship with the Barg side of our family.  We loved this place and if it wasn’t for one of Dee’s tenants coming to our door step drunk and threatening us, we would not have moved.

Our next place was with Andy… and this house had an amazing view of the fraser river and we could even see the fireworks in New West.  We loved this place… great view, nice yard and nicely renovated inside.  Andy was also the owner of a car lot at the time, and he got us our Tercel at cost.  He knew our credit wasn’t that great (Doug had to go bankrupt due to illness) but still gave us a loan.  He has since helped us get our next two cars since then… yup he is the reason we have the Mustang.  We landed up moving because the downstairs people refused to stop smoking in the house and so we had to move because the smell would come through the vents.  Our next place was short lived though as when we moved we were told the landlord wouldn’t sell and tear down the house… turns out he lied and 9 months later we were moving again.  Oh the joy.   Eventually we landed up moving to the Whalley area of Surrey.  We loved being so close to the skytrain, but eventually we got tired of the crime and all the crap going on there and so we decided to move up in the world… we moved to WHITE ROCK/S. SURREY

So here begins our adventure in the beautiful oceanside town which we love so much.  We landed up being in a few places while being here for the last 6 years due to landlords wanting to have their place back, paying too much in rent, ect.   We love living here and love the environment.  It is a much more layed back lifestyle than the main city of Surrey.   Our last place was right on the beach… this was our dream life… a condo on the beach and a convertible Mustang… really what more does a person need?  Then a bunch of this came crashing down early this year when Doug lost his good paying job, was unemployed for 2 months and now works part-time at minimum wage.  It was time to move somewhere cheaper.  We thought we would have to live in some basement suite back in the main city of Surrey… we were not looking forward to this, but God had other plans…

Ocean Park…what a cute little area in South Surrey (borders White Rock).  I saw this ad in Craigslist for a top floor of a fourplex… it was in our price range, but they didn’t allow pets.  I was told by a friend to ask anyway, so I emailed and said what a good cat Minnie was and if they would reconsider the pet policy.  After meeting us, they reconsidered… how amazing is God right?  We always have believed the right people will come into our lives without us having to force things.  Our landlords really liked us and even reduced the rent if we were ok with the old carpeting.  We were game and so on May 12, 2012 our new adventure began away from our beach hut in White Rock.  It was really hard to leave the area (which is only 7 minutes away) but we knew we had to do this to get our finances in order again.  

We are all moved in now… everything is where it is supposed to be and it actually feels like we have been here forever.  It is so nice that God gives us peace even when the world feels like it is trying to push us under.   I keep telling people this place is cozy (not in a small way), but in a warm blanket around a person way.  Maybe it was all the prayers of our friends, or just that God has given us such peace about this decision, but it feels cozy… we love it here and we are still close to Crescent Beach (only a 15 min walk and 190 steps down).    We still have our Mustang and we will be setting up the hot tub soon.  Life can change in a moments notice and we learned many years ago (when Doug had his stroke) that never take it all for granted.  Enjoy today and all the little things.  We have loved every place we have lived in and have made it our own even if it was a dump.   God expects us to take pride in the little things and the things we have… we have to take care of it and he will bless us with better.  Even if it doesn’t seem better, he gives us peace to make us think it is better.    We have been blessed with great landlords for a number of our places we have rented and that should never be taken for granted.   Thanks goes out to all those landlords that treat their tenants with respect!

So here we are… starting our new adventure in Ocean Park… I am looking forward to seeing how this part of our life pans out.   I still see ourselves in California someday, but who knows…we don’t know the future.  God will take care of no matter where we are and right now I am so grateful that he is taking care of us in a cute little suburb called Ocean Park in Surrey.  We are blessed and God is great!!  By the way, we had our first gathering at our place yesterday (that didn’t involve any moving) with our bible study group.  It felt to so good to be able to have people over and have such pride for our wonderful new home.  

It is coming up to Easter again… seems to happen every year.  I am not so commercial about Easter as I am about Christmas.  I love all the lights and stuff with Christmas, but Easter is just a normal holiday that people celebrate whether it is the rabbit version or the Saviour dying on the cross version.

We try to celebrate what Jesus did for us every day of the year, not just the one day.   You have to admit there is no other “God” that I can think of that actually died for his people and forgave all their sins.   We don’t have to do pennants, make sacrifices, jump hoops, pray to Virgins, follow a huge list of rules, etc to get that forgiveness… all we have to do is pray to the one who forgives us and that’s it… nothing more… those sins are erased from time and we are good to go.  Obviously there is usually more to our walk with Jesus, but that is choice and everyone has their own way to walking with him.    Really, our list of rules are only two things… Love the Lord you God with all your heart and Love your neighour… seems to be a lot about Love when it comes to following God/Jesus.  I think the rest of our “rules” come without having to think about it much. 

I love that Jesus died for us… he made the ultimate sacrifice for his people (what other “God” can say that).   I don’t have to live in guilt for the things I do because once I am forgiven, then it is erased.  You do have to ask for forgiveness… it just doesn’t come on it’s own.  Also you have to forgive… all pretty basic things to follow in our walk with Jesus.    God sent Jesus down to earth so that he could experience all the things we have to experience.  It makes Jesus more like us I think.   What separates him from us though is his death and the fact that he rose again… so very different than any other “God” out there.   I think it makes our God/Jesus way more accessible because there really isn’t a lot of things you have to do to follow him.   So many religions out there require so much for that religion and our God/Jesus just requires us to follow him, love him, and others, and ask for forgiveness when we do wrong… how complicated is that? 

Our example in life should be Jesus… he came down on earth so that we can use him as an example.    I love that he was a rebel… he did things his way because he knew it was right.  I love that he was so caring for everyone, and I love that he was perfect and that he died for our sins.   Easter is just a remembrance of what he did, but we should be living that life every day.  Always remember the sacrifice he made for us, but also remember how much he loves us and how we should be living a life without guilt.  I go by this motto… we are perfect in between sins. 

Doug and I are doing ok… not quite managing to pay all the bills yet, but here is hoping that will happen soon.  We have to keep having faith that God/Jesus will bring us through this time and there will be light above us soon and not just a light at the end of the tunnel.   I honestly don’t know how people get through life without God/Jesus.  It is so comforting to know that I am loved by Jesus no matter what.   I know life won’t be easy, but I know we are comforted and loved.  I don’t have to worry about the stupid sins I do because I am forgiven and they are erased once I ask for forgiveness.  I love my friendship with Jesus and we are blessed to have that.   I love my simple faith and as I read books and see conversations on facebook, I am grateful for my simple faith because I think people make Jesus way more complicated than what he really is.  Our walk in Christ is simple… filled with lots of love and forgiveness… I don’t need any more than that.

Happy Easter to everyone… may the bunny rabbit be good to you and may he/she cluck out yummy sugar free chocolates.  For those who believe in Jesus… do not forget what he did for us all year round.

We were at church Saturday night and the speaker spoke about struggling which was a very good topic for us currently.  Then he want to read out of Judges 6 & 7 about Gideon and his plight.  It was a good topic, but I think I would have preferred other references of how God helps us through struggles, especially in the New Testament.  Here is why…

I personally find the Old Testament depressing.  There is so much hurt, destruction, multiple wives, ect.  I am not saying it isn’t important because it is our foundation that our Christianity is based on.  It is our history so we can’t ignore it… but I still tend to find it overly depressing.  I think it is because they had no Hope, like we have.  We have Jesus who died on the cross and forgave our sins (no matter the sin).   We don’t have to give sacrifices for our sins… all we have to do is pray for forgiveness and it is given to us because of Jesus. 

I landed up reading ahead a bit and read about Ruth… she was kinda cool and I do like that story.  We read these stories and just look at them as stories, but they actually happened… these people we read about when through all of this.  I can’t even imagine Joseph and all the things he had to go through… makes me appreciate my life… granted we have hope, no matter what we can pray to Jesus and there is peace.

It has been a rough few days.  Yesterday I fluctuated between happy and depressed, which is annoying in one hand, but good for my food intake because when I get stressed, I stop eating.  Hopefully I loose a few pounds during all this LOL.  It has hard to see what will happen when rent is due in just over a week.  What are we going to do?  What about the other bills that are just starting to pile up a bit (nothing to major yet).  I try to not think about it, but when it is quiet and there is nothing occupying my mind… that is where it goes.  It is why I am watching lots of tv currently (and applying for lots of jobs).   I keep praying and I know we are blessed to have HOPE… we know that God/Jesus will take care of us and that something will work out.  We both will find the jobs we need to find and we can settle down into a routine again.

Tomorrow I get to do some bookkeeping for a client, so at least that will keep my mind occupied for awhile.  There is nothing like being surrounded by numbers to ease one’s mind.  My stomach is in knots a lot these days and I hope that goes away soon.  It makes enjoying food a little tough LOL.  I have to keep praying and looking to God… it is what I keep saying to myself over and over again.  I am grateful for worship music, that is for sure.  Not sure how I would survive without that.

So here is to another day tomorrow and I am praying that things work out and that God/Jesus will give us peace and we are grateful for our Hope that we have.