California for Stefani

Let’s look at the definition of what a fundamentalist is:

A usually religious movement or point of view characterized by a return to fundamental principles, by rigid adherence to those principles, and often by intolerance of other views and opposition to secularism.

I am the opposite of that.  I AM a Christian!  Can I be an unfundamentalist Christian?  I sure hope so because that is what I am.  My heart aches for all those other Christians out there that don’t have a “church” home.  Right now our “church” home is at my parents’ because that is where we spend our Sundays.  Someday I hope to find something during the week that allows us to freely be who we are as Christians.  But what about those who don’t have that, or are maybe aching for a place to call home, but can’t find a “church” home that will allow them to be who they are?  It seems that most churches want you to have a rigid view of their policies, and of course that includes any gay or other unique personalities.  One sign on a church board says something about “come as you are”, and they will change you from the inside out.  So…that implies that you can be “unique”, but they will change you so that you conform to their ways.

I may not be gay, but I am sure unique.  I believe that gay is NOT a sin…you love you who you love, the sex of that person does not dictate that.  I believe that we should not judge others and that if God needs to change them, then He will do just that.  I believe that as Christians we should be way more tolerant of others.  LOVE everyone because God loves us for who we are.  I believe in marriage…no matter who you are.  I believe marriage is about love and compassion.  It doesn’t matter if it is same sex or opposite sex…I have more of an issue with marriage when people abuse each other.  I do believe it is between two people…not a village LOL  I believe that our faith is not dictated by a Church building…I am still a Christian even though currently I do not go to church.  In fact, my faith is not measured by how often I go to church.  Granted if a person likes going to church and finds that it brings them joy and peace, I have no issues with that either.  I am unique and I love who I am…I have pink hair, a Mickey Mouse tattoo and I have been married 25 years (yes that makes me unique…have you met Doug? HA HA HA)

What happens when we are different in the Christian world?  We loose friends usually because eventually you have nothing to talk about, because if you bring something up, you get pounced on, or someone wants to change you.  I want to see a place for us different people to meet at.  Some place where there is no judgement for who we are.  Sure we can make mistakes and say stupid things and forget our non-judgemental views, but we should be able to say “Sorry” and move on.  I wonder what a place like that will look like?  I haven’t lost hope yet that we will find such a place.  I would like to find a “church” that allows people in, no matter who they are.  A “church” that isn’t intent on changing people, but are just grateful for people.  A place where we can be honest about who we are without judgement.  Where I can say my beliefs and nobody wants to change me.  Sure we all don’t have to believe in the same thing, but we are still loving towards that person.  Isn’t our faith built on LOVE?  For now, I usually don’t tell people what I believe (other than in my blog) because then most people just want to change me.  Why is being unique so lonely?  I think I am more excepted in the secular world than I am in the Christian world…isn’t that sad? 

How do I show people who aren’t Christians about my faith?   I am working through that concept, because ultimately that is our goal isn’t it?   IF talking about my beliefs is hard, I guess I have to figure out how to go about it.  Maybe it is just about encouraging other unique Christians that it is okay to be unique.  Love from God is all we need, and I think that love will guide us to the decisions we have to make.   I am the person I am because God has molded me that way; I want to be who God wants me to be…so I have to have faith that He will guide me properly. 

I am an Unfundamentalist Christian and I am proud, because I do not adhere to any strict policies.  Nothing will separate me from God, and my relationship with God/Jesus is as strong today as it always has been.  Jesus is my best friend and he was the ultimate earth rebel, and I just follow his lead.

"Greatness Of Our God"

Give me eyes to see more of who You are,
May what I behold steal my anxious heart,
Take what I have known and break it all apart
For You, my God, are greater still
And no sky contains,
no doubt restrains all You are,
the greatness of our God
I've spent my life to know that I'm far from close to all You are,
the greatness of our God
Give me grace to see beyond this moment here,
to believe that there is nothing left to fear.
And You were on it, high above it all,
And You, my God, are greater still
And no sky contains,
no doubt restrains all You are,
the greatness of our God
I've spent my life to know that I'm far from close to all You are,
the greatness of our God
To all You are, the greatness of our God
And there is nothing that could ever separate us,
No, there is nothing that could ever separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced
You, my God, are greater still.
And no words can say, or song convey all You are,
the greatness of our God
I'll spend my life to know
that I'm far from close to all You are,
the greatness of our God

It is a beautiful day out today and I was driving on the hwy with my music just about full blast (thank you Ford for our Shaker 500 in the Mustang) listening to Peter Furler singing “I’m Alive, I’m on Fire” and so on.   I got to thinking a bit about our situation…and what situation you ask?  Well…if you don’t know, you are not on my facebook page LOL.

In the last month we have applied, and been offered a caretaking job in Hope, applied and didn’t get a manager/caretaking job in Comox (we were runner up though), and looked, and promised a cute little cottage outside of Aldergrove.  Everything fell through, some by our own decision and some by other people’s decisions.   Also with all this, dealing with the tenants downstairs who have been driving us bonkers in the last year.  Today, we are staying where we are, Doug has a new job (but not sure if we will take it), and the tenants downstairs are moving.  All in all, it is a good day, today.  It wasn’t a good day last week though, so because of that, we are running away to Mukilteo, Washington for 2 nights and getting a change in scenery…granted not much different as we are only driving 2 hours south LOL. 

So here is my “What if” scenario…we are walking along a path…it’s a normal, not too stressful path and we come to a fork in the road.  One way is the normal, not too stressful path and the other way is a new path.  The new path isn’t really stressful either, but it’s new.  New faces and new scenery.  We stand there at the fork and pray…”God which way should I go”.  We don’t do any thinking ourselves, just wait for God to answer.  We stand there…waiting and waiting…we don’t hear anything.  So there we stand, just waiting for God to answer.  Heaven forbid should we actually make a decision on our own.

So next scenario…there is Adam and Eve standing in the Garden…minding their own business and enjoying life.  Nothing new is going on, but there stands a tree…a tree that God said “don’t eat the fruit”.  Along comes a sneaky little (or big) snake and convinces them to eat the fruit.   In this case, God spoke and said don’t, but they did anyway.  Life changed a lot from that point on, but God helped by sending Jesus later on.  But the point is, God could have not put the tree there, and then we wouldn’t have had the choice, but he did put it there and that means God has given us choices while living on this earth.  If he didn’t want us to choose for ourselves, then why put the tree there in the first place.

So back to the first scenario…there we stand at the path waiting for God to choose for us, because even though God has given us the choice, we want someone else to do the choosing for us because we are too lazy to think for ourselves.   Maybe…if we decide ourselves, along with the help of God, he will make whatever decision we make, work.   Maybe choosing one way or the other doesn’t make much difference to the end outcome because God will walk with us and help us through whatever path we choose.  Maybe, he wants us to think for ourselves just a little and stop using him has a scapegoat for decisions (right or wrong).   Maybe both paths are equally filled with fun and disappointments and he will rejoice and cry with us in  each situation.   

What if…

Sometimes thinking isn’t my strong suit because it gets me in trouble LOL.  We have had an interesting week.  We started out last week with a potential job in Hope, BC and we were fairly excited to take it, but when we finally pinned the owner down to committing to his promises, he went back on them, so we turned the job down.  What we did figure out from it all though, is I think we want to be managers/caretakers of a resort.  We have gone back and forth about it, but the job offer truly confirmed that we really would like to do that.  We will see if that pans out though.  This brings me to my thought…

I have been asking God for an answer…should we be caretakers, or shouldn’t we?  Do we keep trying, or do we stop?  Do we look for other jobs in other towns, or do we just stay here?  All these questions we ask God, and when we don’t hear a strong answer, we wonder where he is.  So here I was driving home from work (with the convertible top down of course) and I thought it again…why aren’t we hearing a clear answer?   I was feeling a little ignored…and then it hit me…let’s take God out of the picture.  Yes, do it…not saying let’s not trust God, but let’s take him out.  I am a regular person, living a regular life with no religion to cloud my judgements…what would we do?  Who would we be whining too then?   Who would we be asking for help from then?  We would have to do things based on our own judgments and experiences.  We wouldn’t have God to fall back on when things don’t work out, or if we don’t hear the answers we were hoping to hear, etc. 

Now let’s put him back into the picture…let’s use God as he was meant to be.  He gave us choices in life.   When Adam and Eve sinned, we were all doomed to fall with that sin and when God sent Jesus, we were saved from that sin, but that is only after this life on earth.  During the life on earth we have to be surrounded by this sin…our choices, other people’s choices and the evil that is the devil.  We ask for guidance, and I think we do get it in some ways, but we do have to walk this road and make our own decisions and not just always take the easy way and fall on God to make all our decisions.   I am not saying we don’t ask for guidance, but I also think we need to make our own choices too.  We do what we think is best (in God’s eyes), but when it doesn’t work out, then we blame God.  This way we can only blame ourselves LOL. 

This thinking has made me feel a little better actually.  It means I need to think about what I want, what God might want for me, and what our future might hold for us.  It is all part of the big picture.   I know God will be there no matter what, even if we make a bad choice because that is part of my faith.  I think the main thing that God wants us to know, and why we were created, is for love.  Not for having a scapegoat for when things go wrong, or when we can’t make up our own mind.  God created us to commune with him…so let’s commune…and stop asking him so many questions…I don’t want a one way friendship with God/Jesus where all I ever do is ask for help and always want something from him…I want a two way friendship where we talk about stuff together, figure things out together and just love each other no matter what.   Let’s take life out of the equation now and have it just be me and God sitting quietly (or with lots of loud music) talking about stuff.  Nothing heavy, just stuff and enjoying each other’s company.  Maybe that is what it is all about!  I think it is best done on a sunny day, with the convertible top down and some great worship music playing.  That is how God and me commune together.  I will focus on that, and not all the stuff I want God to do for me.

I love the city life…or at least living close to the city.  We live in the suburbs and that is fun too because the big city is nearby.  I have LOVED living in Surrey/White Rock for the last 15 years.  The ocean is in my blood and we have lived our dream for a few years while living at the beach.  Sometimes those dreams come crashing down though and we have to adjust…first it was our dream of moving to Mexico and being sent home (still hurts even today) and then Doug loosing his job and being unemployed and then only getting a min. wage job, which made it that we had to move from our beach front home.  That is life though and we will treasure our beach life even if it was only for a few years. 

What does our future hold though?  Living here will only get more and more expensive and when we retire, there is no way we will be able to afford to live here on our government pensions…so do we plan a little already?  On one hand i would just like to ignore the future and just go on as we have been going.  I have a few good clients and Doug will eventually get a better job and his current job isn’t awful.  But on the other hand do we look at opportunities and see if they will work within our dreams?   Our dream is to live in someplace exotic and run a boutique hotel…but is that unrealistic?  No idea, but does it hurt to try?  Actually the answer to that question is YES…we have been deeply hurt by trying, but do we try again?

Our realistic dream is for Doug to get a decent job in the Training and Development field, but that could also include running a boutique hotel as you need to train people and know how to teach people to learn skills.   So what are our goals?  Pay the bills, enjoy life and go on vacations…not really high expectations if you ask me.   So why this blog?  We are looking at running a hotel in Hope, BC.  A little dinky town that is fairly depressed and the job would be 24/7, but the people who are running it now liked the job and figure it would be a good job to get into the area we are looking at.  Does it allow us to build a base to our dream?  Can we do this job for a few years?  It would pay the bills, still allow us to go on vacations and I think we could have fun doing it.   Can a little town like Hope satisfy my city needs?  Not likely, but thankfully the city is only an hour and half away, unless you consider Chilliwack a city, and then that is only half an hour away.  We don’t have the job yet and we are still praying about it, but what if it does become ours?  Do we say YES or do we live our quiet, mundane life here in Ocean Park?  Nothing against mundane because that means nothing tragic is going on. 

The city life is in my blood along with the ocean, but just because something is in your blood, doesn’t mean you can’t try different things and go out on adventures.  We have no kids and we can just uproot if we want to.   We are trying to hear God’s voice in this…granted we know that God encouraged us to go to Mexico and we all know how that turned out…but at least we know that we will go outside of our box and take a chance.   I know Mexico wasn’t how God wanted that to end, so we need to keep having faith that his voice is true and even if things go to the crapper, we know we followed his voice no matter the risk. 

Maybe this job will allow us to move to California someday?  Not likely but heck, why not dream.  Maybe someone will want an experienced couple to take over their ranch and run a bed and breakfast or something like that…ok, I am getting off point…not surprising since I tend to wander in the head a little LOL.  Life is a great adventure if we choose to look at the positive in it and not the negative.  God never promised us that this life will be perfect and smelling like a rose garden…but he promised us peace, protection and LOVE…so maybe this will be an adventure…or maybe this is just a kick in the butt that says “not this time”, but you are ready to get out there and see what adventure is waiting for you.  So here is to praying that God will have his hand in our lives no matter what happens…if it’s staying here in Ocean Park, or moving to some little hick town surrounded by mountains instead of an ocean…we are game for whatever because we are loved by God

As Steven Curtis Chapman says so nicely in his song…

 

Started out this morning
In the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head
Of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle
Try to make it better than the last

I opened up the Bible
And I read about me
Said, I'd been a prisoner
And God's grace had set me free

And somewhere between the pages
It hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me
And I heard somebody say, "Let's go"

Saddle up your horses
We've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder
Of God's amazing grace

Let's follow our Leader
Into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other
This is the great adventure, yeah

Come on get ready
For the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion
In a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons
Just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for, yeah

Saddle up your horses
We've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder
Of God's amazing grace

Let's follow our Leader
Into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other
This is the great adventure

We'll travel over, over mountains so high
We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all, we'll find that
This is the greatest journey
That the human heart will ever see

The love of God will take us far
Beyond my wildest dreams, yeah
Oh, saddle up your horses
Come on, get ready to ride

So, when I was a teenager I always told myself that when I get older, I will understand death a little better…I am older now…it doesn’t seem any clearer today than it did then.  How does one feel as you slip away?  Do you feel scared?  Will you see God?  Will you have peace?  I would think it will all be ok, but sometimes I panic and think too hard about these silly things.  What will it feel like to be in heaven?  I can only comprehend what my human mind can think, so I guess it makes sense that it really doesn’t make a lot of sense.  We just have to have faith that it will all be ok and that God will take care of us.  If I think of heaven in a more human way…I can’t wait to sit with Jesus up there.   Death is scary for us humans though…the thought of loosing someone just makes my heart a little sad.  I sure hope Heaven is all that I think it will be (plus more).  I guess when I get to heaven, my apprehensions will be gone.  I bring this up because I heard this great song on the tv today.  Yes, “the Light” on Galaxie is a little mamsy pamsy (as Doug puts it), but I like it…most of the time.

Heaven Waits For Me – Jenny Simmons

My feet are deep down in the sand
The waves are pouring life into my soul

It's clear to me from where I stand
There's nothing else I want in this old world

I'm not afraid of letting go
If today's my last day, you should know
That I've loved so many people
And I've traveled this great world
Yeah I've spent time with Jesus
And I've held my little girl
I'm not holding back for next year
I'm living for today
When I take my final breath
I know I'm ready
Heaven waits for me

My husband is the strongest man
All our family and our friends make me smile
Yeah I've had my share of broken dreams
Sleepless nights and suffering
But all the while
That don't matter in the end
Maybe I'll go quietly
In my sleep with you next to me
Maybe it's a slow goodbye
Or I'm out of here in the blink of an eye
No matter how I leave this place
I know I'll see my Savior's face
With the ones I love right next to me
It's a beautiful thing,
Oh, life's a beautiful thing

Cause I've loved so many people
And I've traveled this great world
I've spent some time with Jesus
And I've held my little girl
I'm not holding back for next year
I'm living for today
When I take my final breath
I'm not leaving with regrets
I know I'm ready
Heaven waits for me
Oh yeah, Heaven waits for me

It has been an interesting few months.  We enjoyed a wonderful holiday with my parents to Florida.  I think I have them converted to the Animal Kingdom Resort…it is a beautiful resort and has great amenities for just relaxing and enjoying life.  We really enjoyed our 3 days cruise and even though it was so short, it was still worth it.  We have no other plans yet for this year, but hoping we can book into our Disney timeshare for December 3rd at the Grand Californian in Disneyland.  I understand it is slim to none, but we will try anyway.  If not then we will save up our points and do a big trip to Florida again in 2015.  Our timeshare points go way further at the Animal Kingdom Resort.

Our finances are slowly getting better, but that is because of what I had to do in January.  At least I don’t get phone calls anymore.  I am hoping to get a few more clients though so that we can actually make more money than just making ends meet.  Doug is enjoying his job, and is hoping to have his degree done this year so that he can actually get a good paying job by the end of the year. 

We are celebrating our 25th anniversary this summer so I am busy making party gifts, going through pictures and figuring out the guest list.  We will have a big party at my parents for friends and family (mostly friends from the past) and will have a small party at our place for some of our current friends who wouldn’t want to drive ALL THE WAY into Chilliwack.  It is interesting going through the old pictures and seeing how things have changed, both physically and even our inner self.  It is nice to grow up and learn things and change ones point of view if they need to be changed.  I don’t believe we should stay stuck in our ways if we notice that we might have been wrong.  I think people need to be more open to change.  We base our opinions on our life experience and as we get older, our life has been longer and we have had more experiences…so why wouldn’t they change? 

We have a friend (from an old church we used to go to), that came out awhile ago.  We weren’t surprised, but apparently others where.  Now he doesn’t go to that church anymore and he is in the wind when it comes to church (granted we are in the same boat).  Why does a person’s lifestyle make it so hard for people to except each other?  Especially Christians…don’t we have a higher standard to live by?  Me thinks Jesus would have been a little more loving to everyone and their lifestyles.  Doug and I don’t think normally when it comes to our Christian walk and we find it hard to fit into a church because of that.  I am guessing if Jesus was part of the church, we wouldn’t have any problems.  He was a rebel just like us…maybe he was taking cues from my future self?  HA HA HA…just kidding…remember God gave us with a sense of humour.  My views have changed on lifestyles…granted I never judged people before anyway, but now I realize what I thought was a no no before, I don’t think that anymore.  I think Jesus loves us all no matter what and who we choose as a soul mate is irrelevant.  I think it is our heart that he cares more about.  Are we living for Christ?  Are we going through life as if Jesus was right beside us (oh ya, he is) watching what we do?  Are we trusting him with everything we have and everything we are?  I think those are the things he really cares about.  Do people look at us and say “there is something different about them”?  I sure hope so because that is what I strive for.

So…what is with the title of my blog?  Well…let me tell you…

We went to a launch party…and if you aren’t a musician, you might not know what that is, but a launch party is what someone will do to “launch” their new endeavour, and in this case it was for a website that is for independent music artists.  Physically I fit right in…I dress uniquely and my hair…well it is unique even compared to a lot of the people who where there.  But emotionally, I did not fit in at all…I find musicians a little snobby…not because they are, but because they are just in their own world and tend to not wander outside their box in that way.  I am not into mingling much, so that part was hard for me too.  I wanted to fit in, but I just couldn’t…nobody seemed to like Disney…what is with that.  Then there is the place that I fit in the best…anything Disney.  Go to Disneyland/DisneyWorld/Disney Cruise and you are surrounded by fans, young and old.  Everyone loves Disney and everyone is just about as equally nuts about it as me.  That is where I fit in.  Granted my outer self (with the bright red hair) is more unique in that situation, but I can get away with wearing all things Disney and nobody does a second look.  There is a peace in my heart when I am surrounded by people who love what I love and don’t care about the uniqueness of who I am.  All they care about is that I love Disney as much as they do.  It is like we live in two worlds…one foot is in the musicians world (yes Doug is a musician) and one that is in Disney World…I prefer my foot in the Disney area.  So maybe it is time to start a Disney themed church.  You can only come if you love Disney, have a lifestyle you are proud of, and want to learn about Jesus and how loving he is, how wonderful he care for his kids and how much at peace you can be with him watching us.  Wonder if we would get sued by Disney LOL

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?
If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away
If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You
When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?
If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives
And takes away
If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart
Will sing to You
Even if You take it all away
You’ll never let me go
Take it all away
But I still know
That I'm Yours
I'm still Yours

 

The above song is by Kutless from their worship album.  I love their music and we even got to see them live last summer at Creationfest.   Some parts of the song I don’t really agree with, but the concept is what I want to talk about.

If we lost it all, would we still worship God?  I don’t believe it is God that takes it away from us, as living on this earth means sadness and heartache, but I believe that when it is taken away, we can still look to God for support.  Part of our faith is believing in a higher power and that comfort will come from God/Jesus.  We were never promised a better life on this earth, but we were promised comfort and love.  This earth is filled with sin, and there is no way around it.  Even if you move into the woods where you have no people (and no flush toilets), I am sure the sin of this earth will still show up.   It will always be around and until we die and go be with God/Jesus in Heaven, we have to figure out ways to manage.

So, would we still worship God/Jesus?  I sure hope so.  I know we haven’t lost it all (in 2012), but it honestly felt like we lost most of it.  But we still looked to God for comfort.  I have made sure to play my worship music a lot more because it is what helps me survive.  We aren’t the only ones that have gone through struggles, that much I am sure of.  But knowing that and living it,  that is a little different.  Sometimes it feels like we are the only ones and so one curls up into a ball and stays in the cave which we call home.  We are slowly crawling out of that cave though and things are starting to look up.   God did not make this happen to us, as he loves us very much and wants us to be joyful.  But God did take care of us and bring us peace. 

I know that God/Jesus will never let us go, and there is great comfort in that.   The sin of this world will surround us, but we have forgiveness and love from God/Jesus and that protects us from the despair and the sadness.  Sure we have our moments, but that is our weakness in not having faith.  I will be the first to admit that, but we are working through that.  We aren’t perfect and that is ok.  God loves us anyway (phew). 

Yes, my broken heart will sing…it will sing for God/Jesus and all that he has done for us.  He comforts us, he brings us peace and he loves us unconditionally.  What more do we need in this life?  Personally a home in Southern California would be nice, but that might be asking for too much…but heck…why not dream big LOL

So here is to 2013 and the new start it is bringing us.  It will bring us great joy and happiness.  We are going to be celebrating our 25th anniversary, so that has to be good luck.  So many people lost bets on us making it this far, and those people will not be invited to our party. 

God is great, my hands are lifted…