I don’t think I understand real anger. The uncontrollable version that makes you do things that you regret after. I remember as a teen when I was dating Doug (yes anger came often at this point)…and I would get angry at him for something he did. I wanted to throw things but I always would say to myself “why throw it and break it, because in a few days, all will be ok and then I will still have a broken item”. It actually irritated me sometimes because I just couldn’t be angry with no regrets.
I read stories online about people taking their anger out on others (the service industry). People then will post about the reasons for this anger and that we should feel sorry for them because they have lost someone dear to them, etc. I just don’t get that…no matter your sorrow or your anger, why do others have to be the brunt end of it? I remember when Doug had his stroke and I thought he was dying (yes, I truly thought he was dying)…I can’t even imagine going somewhere and taking it out on someone else. Why would I be justified for my bad behaviour just because someone is dying in my life? Sure, we make mistakes and I would assume that if I did do something like that, I would apologize right away and not wait until it got all over social media LOL. I do think as a Christian, I need to choose my behaviour very carefully. My life is an example of my Christianity. I don’t go out preaching to the world, but I can show the world that being a Christian makes me a better person (for myself of course).
Doug had anger issues when I met him, and also long into our marriage (which is why I write off the first 7 years of our marriage LOL). He just couldn’t control what he said and then would have to apologize after. I think what people need to understand is that every word that gets said (even if you didn’t mean it), still hurts the heart. You can’t erase what you said and usually sticks in ones soul for a long time. If you look at our situation as an example, I have written off many years of our marriage…and a lot of this is due to the anger he had. We survived it and we still love each other. But it sure would have been nicer if our marriage had been without those struggles. Sure some people will say it made our marriage stronger…I think those people who say that are “full of crap”. Good thing none of our friends would say that to our face because I think they would not be our friends any more LOL.
Anger brings regrets (in my opinion). I got really angry last Wednesday…so angry that I felt my blood pressure rising A LOT!! But, I didn’t want to take it out on the poor Napa parts guy or the border guard. It wasn’t the parts guy fault that the part was ordered from the wrong place, and the border guard just wouldn’t care and would throw me in jail 
I had to sit in my car and breath (50 min border wait made that possible). I had to make sure to calm down…for health reasons and so I didn’t take it out on others. I guess I see no excuse for taking my anger out on others. I can grumble, post on facebook, etc, but that is talk and I still treat others with respect. I do know anger stems from a person past and how we are taught to deal with anger. I know everybody comes from a different situation in life and may have learnt to deal with anger differently. But honestly, how do we feel when someone takes their anger out on us? Why would we want to do that to others.
Obviously everyone has different issues and I am not talking about my friends and family about this issue. Other than our marriage, I am talking about things I have read online about why people say the things they do to others when angry. I guess it frustrates me that people would be so mean to others and then use the excuse that they are dealing with a traumatic situation in their life. I feel bad for the traumatic situation but it doesn’t mean you have to be mean to someone…does it? Honestly, just start crying…that should do it for most people…I think you will get lots of compassion that way. I will say that I have been blessed by growing up in a home that let us deal with our emotions properly and that anger really wasn’t prevalent in our home. I think our relationship with God/Jesus has taught us how to treat others. Yup, we make mistakes…and hopefully when we make a mistake we can ask for forgiveness and get it. I have forgiven Doug (of course)…that is a part of marriage and also that is a part of surviving on this evil earth, also it is required to forgive because if we don’t forgive others, we can’t be forgiven by God/Jesus, and that would just suck!!!
I am not tooting my own horn, not by any stretch of the imagination. I am just voicing my frustrations on what I read online…and this is just my opinion. I am not saying anyone is a worse Christian than someone else. I am giving my experience with dealing with anger and how it effects me. I think it ultimately comes down on how we are raised to deal with anger. I think God/Jesus can do plenty of healing in ones life when it comes to our emotions, but that doesn’t always mean it goes away fully. I know Doug has learned a lot and God/Jesus has calmed his soul. But it didn’t happen overnight and it involved many, many fights in our lives. But life here on this earth was never promised to be easy, so we muddle through it, trust God that we will always be loved no matter what, and we surround ourselves with people who encourage us, love us and just plain old appreciate who we are.
